Vulnerable

I want to share something God put on my heart.
I have to admit, I'm feeling a wee bit shy and vulnerable with this post.
But I feel the Lords tug, and He wants me to share.

I have been in a yucky funk lately.

I couldn't figure out what the problem was, 
so I took it out on my family of course. 
Lovely.

I was just down.
A heavy heart.

 Heart hurting, I'm a freak, what's my problem, down.

Then I realized what the problem was.

My thoughts.

Oh, man, I was so mean!
I was speaking to myself in the cruelest way!
I would never talk to anyone else this way, not even my dog.
Here's a little glimpse:

• We had cornbread last night and I didn't sweep up the crumbs- it felt like you were walking on the beach as you walked across the dining room- 

                 "You are so lazy!  Your house is filthy, you are disgusting."

• We didn't start school until 9:30- 

"You are the worst  teacher. You are not fit to teach your children. If they were in regular school, they would have been at it for hours already"

• I hurt a friend-

" You stink at friendship.  How many times have you hurt a friend?  How many friendships have faded because you are selfish and don't give enough time to your friends?"

• I snapped at my children continuously-

"You stink as a mom"  You are seriously mean and screwing up your kids lives."

• I was rude to my husband-

" You have no idea how good you have it.  You're lucky he's even with you. You don't deserve him."

• I got a new blog header-

"Who are you kidding?  Do you think you're some big time blogger now and need a fancy blog header?"

• As I'm working on blooms-

" You seriously think theses are good enough to sell? What makes you think you're good enough to have an Etsy shop?"

• There was a mile long list of fun valentines things to do with the girls, that we didn't do-

"Your priorities stink."

• I was tired of hearing my kids noise 

"You stink as a mom. Have some patience already!"

• The number on the scale is getting higher and my clothes a bit snugger-

You don't even want me to go there.

ENOUGH ALREADY!! 

 I tried so hard to drown out these negative hamster-wheel thoughts, but they just kept getting louder, 

and meaner, and more painful to hear.

So I turned to scripture.
  

(a negative thought even tried to sneak in with this idea  
"you stink at memorizing- how many times have you tried and failed")

But I knew this was the only way to shut those yucky thoughts up- so I wrote down and repeated Philippians 4:8.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-

meditate on these things. 

I don't have it memorized yet.  

But if one of those nasty thoughts tries to creep in, 

I pull out my cheat sheet and read.

Oh my goodness, I cannot tell you how much this has helped!

 If you struggle with negative thoughts and low self esteem, I highly encourage you to memorize scripture to drown out those negative thoughts.

Because those thoughts are not from Him.

Would you ever allow someone to talk to your child like that?

No stinkin' way!

So don't talk to God's child like that!

I am so thankful for these learning lessons.

Sometimes they're not fun, but the result is always good!

 And I'm not in a funk any more.

Praise Jesus!